End of November
A couple things about my life lately...
My time here is really finishing up, which is both satisfying and bittersweet. I finished classes yesterday so I'm no longer a Chilean university student. While finals week was about 1/4 as stressful as it is in Grinnell, I'm still pretty tired out. Though in all honesty that probably has more to do with the fact that I've gone out 5 times in the past week than that I've been studying ; ) Today was also my last day at Liceo Barón. I've gotten really fond of the kids and of Carola and Wednesday mornings at the school were always a good dose of chaos, energy, and amusement in my week.
Daughter had to be put down on Monday after what was probably a heart tumor pressing on her lungs . She was 20 years old and losing her is one of the hardest things I've had to face in a while. Home won't feel the same without her. I think about things like how she would cuddle with me, how she would play with paper bags, the blonde spot on her paw, how she would take socks out of my sock drawer and hide them around the house, or how she always smelled like clothes right out of the dryer, and it all makes me miss her so much that I just cry. She was supposed to make it until I graduated from college so she could come live with me in my first appartment. I guess that was wishful thinking though since 20 is a ripe old age as it is. I really liked how she was my favorite and I was her favorite, and we would never love anyone else quite as much as eachother.
Sometimes you just have spectacularly hard weeks, you know? And there's nothing you can do about it or anything anyone can say about it, it just has to be that way and you have to get through it.
Strangely though, I like Chile more than ever. I might even say that I love Chile, and I wouldn't have said that a month ago. Everything is falling into place here, and I really feel like I GET this bizarre country. The way things are done here and the way people think here make sense, and the US doesn't feel like my point of reference anymore. Its an odd but kind of nice feeling.
My time here is really finishing up, which is both satisfying and bittersweet. I finished classes yesterday so I'm no longer a Chilean university student. While finals week was about 1/4 as stressful as it is in Grinnell, I'm still pretty tired out. Though in all honesty that probably has more to do with the fact that I've gone out 5 times in the past week than that I've been studying ; ) Today was also my last day at Liceo Barón. I've gotten really fond of the kids and of Carola and Wednesday mornings at the school were always a good dose of chaos, energy, and amusement in my week.
Daughter had to be put down on Monday after what was probably a heart tumor pressing on her lungs . She was 20 years old and losing her is one of the hardest things I've had to face in a while. Home won't feel the same without her. I think about things like how she would cuddle with me, how she would play with paper bags, the blonde spot on her paw, how she would take socks out of my sock drawer and hide them around the house, or how she always smelled like clothes right out of the dryer, and it all makes me miss her so much that I just cry. She was supposed to make it until I graduated from college so she could come live with me in my first appartment. I guess that was wishful thinking though since 20 is a ripe old age as it is. I really liked how she was my favorite and I was her favorite, and we would never love anyone else quite as much as eachother.
Sometimes you just have spectacularly hard weeks, you know? And there's nothing you can do about it or anything anyone can say about it, it just has to be that way and you have to get through it.
Strangely though, I like Chile more than ever. I might even say that I love Chile, and I wouldn't have said that a month ago. Everything is falling into place here, and I really feel like I GET this bizarre country. The way things are done here and the way people think here make sense, and the US doesn't feel like my point of reference anymore. Its an odd but kind of nice feeling.
posted by Julia | 7:35 AM
2 Comments:
Julia,
What a wonderful remembrance of Daughter. It sure did make me cry. Yah, just think how happy she too would have been to live with you in your (or HER) very own apartment. I hope you are feeling better. Love from A. Margie
julia, I've taken to reading your blog site when I need a break at work so today I sat in my office and cried. I'm sorry to hear about daughter, she was very special. I do love seeing your pictures and hearing about your adventures. It gives me the urge to see somewhere new and different...all my love, we will be thinking of you. Kris and Mark
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